They met long ago. Back before books. Back before the internet and the information age. They met when man’s understanding of the world was quite primitive. They met so very long ago, but their love endures to this day. Though together they caused a lot of damage, they were a perfect match. A match made in Heaven, one might say. They are quite well known. You have probably heard about them, even if you have never known their names. Their love story helped create 66 books that people still treasure, even today. Yes, it’s true. The Bible has their fingerprints all over it. Who are they? I’ll tell you. This is the story of Mr. E and Miss Information.
When creating the Holy texts, man consulted this young couple to help shape their story. Whenever they had some trouble coming up with plausible explanations for confusing stories or errors, Mr. E usually stepped in.
“What if someone asks why God allows suffering?” someone asked.
“No problem. Just tell them it was me. Mr. E said.
“What about if someone asks where God came from? Or why prayers don’t get answered?
Mr. E just smiled. “Me again. All these things have my name written all over them.”
“Even the parts that make no sense at all? What about those? Surely someone will see right through the absurdity.”
“I keep telling you that it’s me! Mr. E! Mr. E! Mr. E!”
Miss Information could see that people were getting worried, not knowing if others would be convinced when the only answers for tough questions were Mr. E’s unfounded claims. So she stepped in and said, “Look, if things get too heated or if the story gets too unbelievable, I will handle it. I am great at putting a positive spin on things. I have a way with words.”
And so the stories were crafted, errors, contradictions and all. As the story was being written, Mr. E and Miss Information found out they were expecting. Soon enough, their love child came into existence, coincidentally at the same time their story was being finished. They called him Chris. His full name was Chris T Anity, but they called him Chris for short. He was beautiful and healthy in those early days. He was growing quickly and soon many people knew about him. Then they told others and they told others and so on. News of young Chris spread quickly through the world.
The issue is that Mr. E and Miss Information were not eqipped to be parents. They were horrible at teaching anyone anything about morals. Their grip on reality, honesty and history were sketchy at best. Still, young Chris came along and was nurtured by this power couple. But as good as they were for each other, they were always fighting. Neither one would back down. They both were convinced they were right. Mr. E thought he best explained things about the story of Chris’s life. Miss Information thought she had the best explanations; no Mr. E necessary. She was such a smooth talker that many people were persuaded to side with her.
Mr. E tended to be quite lazy. When it came to telling stories, he left out all of the important details. He would just tell people to trust him. He never provided proof of anything. He just used his famous name to get by. When people stopped accepting his story on his words alone, Miss Information had to step in and cover for him.
“Mr. E doesn’t explain anything. It sounds like he just made the whole thing up.” the people would shout.
“Calm down and let me explain things” Miss Information would say to reassure them. “Let me explain away the confusion left by Mr. E. Don’t bother fact-checking me. You can believe me. You know I’m trustworthy.”
And so, time and again, Miss Information would spin her stories into a web of confusion that seemed to mesmerize the masses and get them believing again, even when her words didn’t make any sense. She made it up as she was going along, so that’s to be expected. Luckily most of the people reading the story didn’t worry too much about facts. As long as Mr. E or Miss Information made them feel good, they were happy.
Back to Chris T Anity. When Chris was born, there was someone more popular than he was. That’s probably because this person had been around for a long time. She was supposedly God’s favorite. Her name was Judy. Now Judy Ism was quite old and wise by the time Chris arrived. She had her own story to tell that people seemed to gravitate to. She was the talk of the town. When Chris showed up on the scene, Judy wasn’t too worried. Many others like him had come and gone. He’d be no different. Little did she know that Chris was quite precocious, smart and crafty. He tickled the ears of those willing to listen and soon many would follow him anywhere. Mr E. and Miss Information followed as well. In fact, they never left his side, being the protective parents that they were.
Chris was quite popular for years. But as the decades, centuries and millennia wore on, people started asking questions. It was almost like they didn’t quite fully buy into his story anymore. There were calls for another person. The one who knew everything and could prove it. She was the most well-respected and trusted person around. Her name was Evy Dence. Evy Dence never made claims. She would show up when stories were actually true and she would show everyone why they were true. You could test her and ask questions. She was confident and would never shy away from a request for more information. But she was nowhere to be found when people had questions about Chris’s story. Mr. E and Miss Information would stand up tall and proud, but where was Evy?
It seems a new girl in town had scared her off. This girl showed up about the same time Chris did. She expounded on what Mr. E and Miss Information had offered up as “truth” and all she asked for was blind trust in her. Her name was Faith. When Faith showed up, most of the people turned on Evy.
“Go away!” they’d shout. “You know way too much and you never keep our secrets. Faith is better. She’s beautiful, personal and is there when we don’t care whether or not things are true. She’s there when we just need to feel good about ourselves. You don’t care about our feelings. You just want to show everyone that you’re right.”
And so Evy was pushed away, never to be seen in the same place where Chris was telling his story. She shows up when people question Chris’s story and aren’t satisfied with Faith’s “feeling good is better than being right” attitude. Evy Dence is there when you search for her instead of taking the word of Mr. E or Miss Information. Evy always feels needed when people want the truth. Faith is still popular, with billions still following her around like love-sick teenagers. However, Evy is getting called for more and more with people tired of Faith’s fake smile and empty words.
I have read Chris’s story. Several times, actually. In order to believe, I had to give in to Mr. E’s explanations. Doing that kept Faith at my side. Faith helped me through many dark times in my life. Faith helped me through personal tragedies, financial difficulties and tough times in my marriage. But after awhile, I couldn’t help but wonder where Evy was. If Chris’s story was true, couldn’t Evy confirm that for me? You’d think so. Evy just wanted to share the truth so there shouldn’t be any conflict there. Faith just wanted me to stay with her and stop searching for Evy. But I couldn’t help it. I needed to know.
I stopped reading Chris’s story years ago. This was around the time that Faith walked out on me. I couldn’t just take her word for it anymore. I laughed at the thought of Mr. E’s version of things. Many tried to get me to keep reading the story by using Miss Information’s skills as a spin doctor to make me believe the story again. But I couldn’t. I always said that if Evy Dence showed up to corroborate Chris’s story, I’d listen again, but she never showed up while trying to keep Faith around. When I put down Chris’s story and searched for other stories to explain things, Evy started showing up. She would see me learning something that contradicted what I was raised to believe and I’d see her jumping up and down as if to say “Here I am! Here I am! You found me!”
The point of this story is this: When a book is so full of Mr. E, no amount of Miss Information can make up for the lack of Evy Dence’s presence. Until she shows up to confirm what Chris T Anity’s story is all about, Faith will not be part of my life. She’s not allowed to call me at home, follow me to work or whisper lies to me when I am hurting. In fact, if I have Evy around, Faith’s services are not needed anyway.